Ah, the Golden Globes. Everyone’s favorite televised celebrity party. There’s dinner, drinks, and for the second year in a row, the best hostesses around, Tina Fey & Amy Poehler. I am terribly behind on Oscar movie viewing - having seen nothing that is likely to be up for the main award, but thankfully the Globes cover TV as well and I am well versed in that arena. The red carpet show is under way, so I’m just going to react and give some commentary, so it’ll be just like you watched it.
Red Carpet rambling:
The show is on NBC, so we’ve got the Today show crew covering the red carpet. Matt & Savannah, and I think they were cutting away from Carson Daly when I flipped it on. If anyone can make me wish for Ryan Seacrest, it’s Carson Daly. Oh look, I can flip to Bravo with Giuliana and Seacrest instead. And am instantly rewarded with a Jim Parsons interview. And then a little Jared Leto. After a six year hiatus from acting, he found a script he loved (Dallas Buyers Club) and now he’s got nominations all over the place. Flipping back to NBC for a little Leo action. Talking about The Wolf of Wall Street, his 5th film with Scorsese. Jimmy Fallon! Everyone loves Jimmy Fallon. Pockets! Julianna Margulies’ dress has pockets. That is always a good life choice. Kevin Bacon’s daughter is Miss Golden Globe. They keep cutting to people in the background to show dresses. Cate Blanchett is so beautiful. I think I like Taylor Swift’s dress, they should back to it. Could be because it’s red. They are timing this pretty well, so when there is a commercial, then I go to the other channel, and sometimes it’s the same people I just saw, but often I find someone new. A quite pregnant Olivia Wilde looks lovely in green. Matthew McConaughey and his beautiful wife look fabulous together. Okay, Jennifer Lawrence’s dress is strapless and I am just terrified she’s going to lose the top. Because that is who that will happen to. I think Julia Roberts has like a button up white top with a strapless black dress over. I don’t know what to feel about it. And now here’s Taylor Swift. I do like the dress, but there is a poofy bow thing on the back that I don’t love. But it works for her. And now Taylor Swift & Jennifer Lawrence are gushing over each other in an awkward and adorable way. Tom Hanks is so awesome. You already know that though. Oh, Chris Pine. He is kind of dreamy. Nope, completely dreamy. There is no kind of about it. Did you know that Robin Wright was dating Ben Foster? Just a note. Hayden Panettiere’s hair is a distraction. I already forgot her dress. Kerry Washington is beautiful and super pregnant. And rocking the white dress in a way that would make Olivia Pope proud. More things… blah blah blah… time for the show!
Our leading ladies look beautiful. And continue to be the funniest people in Hollywood. Great intro, kind of a like a standing Weekend Update, but about people in the room and nominees.
Oh, and presenters are coming up from the floor. Maybe just for the first award?
First award goes to Jennifer Lawrence, supporting actress for American Hustle. She looks shocked, but she’s going to have to get used to this, cause she’s gonna win a lot of these. Great speech, giving lots of props to her director David O. Russell.
The supporting actor/actress awards for TV are ridiculous. They combine all genres and just seem so bizarre. Jacqueline Bisset just won for something I have never heard of, and I don’t know if anyone expected it because she was way in the back and its taking her a while to get to the stage. She is super nervous and rambling after a lot of pauses. And they are trying to play her off now and she just keeps talking. And no one knows what to do. I am uncomfortable. Okay, finally wrapped it up. No idea what just happened there.
Best mini-series or movie is up next. As always there seem to be lots of interesting things, and I haven’t seen any of them. Behind the Candelabra wins, which is pretty unsurprising given its dominance at the Emmys. It takes people too long to get to the stage. Someone didn’t think this through as it is distracting.
I never really understand the order of these awards. Next category is actress in a TV movie or mini-series. It goes to Elizabeth Moss. An amazing actress in her own right, but I’m sure she’s just in her head going, “did I just beat Helen Mirren and Jessica Lange”? Cause i think that is what I would be thinking right now. And then she said “oh shit,” so they bleeped. But she pulled it together, like Zoey Bartlett and Peggy Olson would.
A sharp looking Matt Damon presents the clip of Captain Phillips. I really need to see that movie. I feel like it should be available on iTunes or onDemand soon since it came out a while ago.
Best actor in a TV drama, aka the award that Bryan Cranston will probably win, but has some pretty serious competition with Kevin Spacey, Liev Schreiber, Michael Sheen, & James Spader. And of course, the award goes to Mr. Cranston for the final season of Breaking Bad. Although apparently his first Golden Globe for this role, perhaps he usually just dominates the Emmys.
Followed by TV series drama. Cannot figure out the order of these awards. Other than TV first, for the most part? And Breaking Bad wins this one too.
The real life Philomena! I don’t know if I knew it was a real story. That is pretty cool. She introduced a clip of the film with writer and star, Steve Coogan.
Original score goes to the movie that stars only Robert Redford. It’s just him on a boat. I would expect that good music would be kind of critical and can see why he might win.
The original song award goes to Bono. And the rest of U2. For the song from the Mandela movie. Puffy was pretty excited about that win. Yes, P-Diddy was presenting with Usher and Kate Beckinsdale. I’m sorry Kate. U2 is a bunch of classy gents. Bono had everyone else go first, because they knew they were less likely to cut him off, and they talked about how personal it was for them to write a song for this film.
So now we’ve moved to supporting actor in the “all the TV” category, which is going to Jon Voight. He is kind of a big deal.
Olivia Wilde presents the clip of Her. I really want to see this.
Robert Downey Jr! Oh, you are so funny and charming. Giving out the best actress in a musical/comedy. Cause the ladies love him. Oh, who am I kidding, everyone loves him. Winner Amy Adams! Love it! I really, really need to see this movie.
But I’m still having trouble keeping track of the award order. And I’m basically writing this all down and I still don’t know what is happening.
Kyra Sedgwick & Kevin Bacon adorably introduce their daughter as Miss Golden Globe. Then Tina introduces her adult son, Amy in a wig. They are so funny.
Best actress in a TV drama. I can’t even stand it. Robin Wright is the winner. She is really evil on House of Cards, a fantastic performance. And pretty cool that this category included two actresses from Netflix shows. But seriously, did no one watch Orphan Black??? It is heads and heads and heads above everything else. And when I say "it" I mean Tatiana Malsany. Okay, that’s it. That's all I'll say on that for now.
Jim Carrey presents American Hustle clip. Gotta see that.
Best supporting actor in a movie. The guy who played the main pirate in Captain Phillips is nominated and it was his first role ever. But the award goes to Jared Leto. Okay, I think American Hustle and Dallas Buyers Club are officially at the top of my must see list.
Emma Thompson just came out with a martini in one hand and her heels in the other. She is amazing. Giving the award for best screenplay. The award goes to Spike Jonze for Her. This may be 3rd on the to see list.
Laura Dern is presenting the clip for Nebraska, starring her father Bruce Dern. I know that Bruce Dern has had a full and impressive career, but all I can think of when I see him is The Burbs.
Best TV comedy actor goes to Andy Samberg. Okay, I kind of need to watch this show. Seth Meyers was one of the producers and he was pretty excited. Andy Samberg is pretty adorable, given it was a pretty standard thank you speech.
All bits where Amy & Tina mock Julia Louis-Dreyfous and she plays along are hilarious.
Melissa McCarthy got hit by a sand bag back stage and thinks she is Matt Damon. I am dying. But she and Jimmy Fallon are giving out best actor in a mini-series or movie. And Michael Douglas wins. Because apparently he is brilliant in this role. He thanks Matt (also nominated in the category) and says “the only reason you’re not here is because I had more sequins.” Adorably playing along, Matt tries to point that “Matt Damon” is on stage in the form of Melissa McCarthy, but Michael either doesn’t see or doesn’t get it. Either way, good fun.
Animated feature film to Frozen. Sorry minions. Remember earlier when I said I was going to see the potential Oscar nominee movies. I’m really going to see Frozen first. What, it'll totally be up for animated feature.
Colin Farrell presents a clip of Inside Llewyn Davis.
The very stacked category of best actress in a TV series comedy. Amy is getting a back massage from Bono. YES!! And Amy is the winner!!! Leslie Knope rules the world!!
The Cecil B Demille award goes to Woody Allen this year. Diane Keaton is accepting and talking about him, which is appropriate, although odd that they are giving him this award and he isn’t there. But maybe he doesn’t go to award shows. I am going to look it up. Apparently he does not. So there’s that.
Ah, Ben Affleck. Aka, Battfleck. Giving out the best director award to Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity Impressive category, although per usual, total sausage fest.
Switching back to TV for the best comedy show and the winner is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Again, guess I should be watching that.
Best actor in a comedy (presented by Jennifer Lawrence). Winner is Leo DiCaprio. I typed that as drama at first, just based on the nominees (which included Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Bale). Wonder if Leo will get an Oscar nod this week.
Reese Witherspoon presents the clip from 12 Years a Slave.
Thor, um, I mean Chris Hemsworth, is presenting the clip from Rush with the real guy from the movie. Love it when they get the real people!
Getting down to the big awards. Best comedy film goes to American Hustle.
Best actress in a drama to Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine
Best actor in a drama to Matthew McConaughey. And that is after some serious competition. And he is dancing onto stage. And he just started his acceptance speech with “Alright alright alright.” And ended it with “this film was never about dying, it was always about livin and to that I say, just keep.” Quality.
Bringing out the big guns to wrap things up. But oh, Johnny, I really hope that hair is for a movie. And the award goes to 12 Years a Slave. (Side note, the director’s name is Steve McQueen, but obviously he’s not that Steve McQueen)
So that was a lot of rambling nonsense, but here is the takeaway:
My dream dinner party is Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Meryl Streep, and Emma Thompson. I just think we could drink some wine and laugh.
I appreciate that even when given only a couple minutes, Robert Downey Jr. is always entertaining, and never forfeits an opportunity to prove that deep down, he is Tony Stark.
Idris Elba and Chris Pine are the sexiest men alive.
You can give Matthew McCouaughey good roles and he will do great things, but deep down he’s still that guy from Dazed & Confused and he will keep on L-I-V-I-N.
Tatiana Malsany did not win, but she is an amazing talent and her nomination tonight is the first of many.
I know I’m not supposed to watch new shows, but I think Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a safe choice because it’s only a half hour sitcom.
Finally, I have a lot of movies to see.
Okay, rewatching the opening monologue.
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